今年はなかなか制作の時間を確保できず、目標にしていた年内の個展開催に向けて、十分な作品数をそろえることは難しいかもしれない。
20代から30代にかけて、私は比較的、自分のために多くの時間を使い、自分のやりたいことを優先して生きてきたように思う。しかし40代になり、家庭を持ち、社会人の大学院生として学び続けるなかで、家庭を支えながら、研究のかたわら制作を続けることの難しさを身にしみて感じている。
年齢に伴う体力の変化もある。けれど、それを単なる言い訳にはしたくない。1日の時間は、誰にとっても同じように与えられている。だからこそ、何を優先し、何を手放すのかを考えなければならない。
ただ、何をするにも健康あってのことだ。制作も、研究も、仕事も、家庭生活も、すべては心身の土台の上に成り立っている。今は、無理に何かを成し遂げようとするよりも、自分の生活のリズムを見つめ直し、続けられる形を探す時期なのかもしれない。
制作から離れているように見える時間も、必ずしも空白ではない。日々の生活のなかで感じる迷いや疲れ、家族との時間、研究や臨床で出会う現実もまた、少しずつ自分の中に蓄積されている。
今は大きな作品や個展という形にこだわるよりも、原点に立ち返り、日常生活の中でドローイングを続けていくことから始めてもよいのかもしれない。短い時間でも、手を動かし、見たものや感じたことを記録する。その小さな積み重ねが、やがて次の作品や展示につながっていくのだと思う。
This year, I have not been able to find enough time to make art. Because of this, it may be difficult to prepare enough works for the solo exhibition I had hoped to hold by the end of the year.
In my twenties and thirties, I think I was able to use much of my time for myself. I could live in a way that gave priority to what I wanted to do. But now, in my forties, I have a family, and I am also continuing graduate studies while working. Through this, I have come to realize how difficult it is to continue making art while doing research and supporting family life.
There are also changes in physical strength that come with age. Still, I do not want to use this simply as an excuse. Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day. For that reason, I need to think carefully about what to prioritize and what to let go of.
At the same time, health is the foundation of everything. Art-making, research, work, and family life all depend on physical and mental well-being. Perhaps this is not a time to force myself to achieve something, but rather a time to look again at the rhythm of my life and find a sustainable way to continue.
Even if I seem to be away from art-making, this time is not necessarily empty. The hesitation and fatigue I feel in everyday life, the time I spend with my family, and the realities I encounter through research and clinical practice are all quietly accumulating within me.
For now, instead of focusing too much on large works or a solo exhibition, I may need to return to my starting point and continue drawing in everyday life. Even if I only have a short time, I can still move my hand, observe what is around me, and record what I see and feel. These small accumulations may eventually lead to future works and exhibitions.
Continuing to make art does not always mean producing large outcomes. Perhaps it means keeping a small space for making within daily life, without forcing myself too much. For now, preserving that space may be what matters most.
My son’s art
